Your 12,000th-great-grandfather focused solely on survival—and a huge part of survival was building a community of trusted, likeminded people to keep him company. Obviously, the world and its societal expectations have changed ALOT since then (at least I’d like to think so).
So, here we are still doing the same thing our cavemen ancestors did, building meaningful, authentic relationships to survive the races.
I’ve spent a good portion of my life helping people build those relationships at scale, and here’s what I’ve learned.
“Your network isn’t just your net worth—it’s your lifeline to opportunities, growth, and maybe even happiness.”
But most networks are full of untapped potential, like old company swag gathering dust. I’m about to dust off that swag and make it shiny and new again, but this guide isn’t about collecting business cards or chasing influencer status. It’s about building your "Sphere"—a sustainable, energizing network.
I know you’re excited to get started, but before we get to the tactics, let’s address the elephant in the room:
Most people treat networking like a New Year’s resolution—full of enthusiasm, then crushed by guilt when they inevitably fall off.
Now, this guide may just end up in your “bookmarks” tab never to be opened again, but if you take action, build consistent habits, and stick to it even when the going gets tough, I’m confident you’ll start to see the true results of what a strong community can provide-professionally and personally.
Section 1: Why Your Network Actually Matters (And No, It's Not Just About LinkedIn)
I’ll start off this mega guide explaining why your network actually matters past social media interactions. We’ll dive deeper into how you can cultivate meaningful relationships that create a community full of potential for your success and personal development.
Remember that sad backpack of obsolete company swag I mentioned? Most people's networks are like that – full of potential value, gathering dust in the basement of missed opportunities.
Here's the thing about having a strong network (or as I like to call it, your "Sphere"):
It's not about collecting business cards like they're Pokémon cards. It's about building something that actually energizes you instead of draining you like that 4PM meeting that could've been an email.
Let’s break it down.
Why Your Sphere Matters (Beyond Just Having People to Send Holiday Cards To)
- It’s Your Personal Treasure Map: That one introduction you need to kick things into high gear? High chance someone in your network knows.
- It's Your Career Insurance Policy: Think of your sphere like a garden. You don't wait until you're hungry to plant tomatoes. The best time to nurture relationships is before you need them. (Trust me, I learned this one the hard way.)
- It's Your Reality Check: When everyone in your immediate circle thinks you're crushing it, you need those trusted voices who'll tell you if your amazing new business idea sounds like a pyramid scheme.
- Got a Problem You’re Stuck on? Someone in your sphere has probably solved it and is more than willing to share their experience.
- Looking for honest feedback? (You know, the kind you won't get from your mom?)
See, your Sphere matters, but it can’t do anything for you if you don’t structure it properly.
Even if people KNOW their Sphere matters, they tend to approach things the wrong way. They treat their network like a junk drawer, throwing everything in and hoping they'll find what they need later. Guilty?
But just like Marie Kondo-ing your closet, your network needs structure in order for it to provide value to you. Here's how to structure your sphere effectively:
The ABC Method (Because Sometimes Simple Really Is Better)
Remember when I told you to rip pages 244-245 out of my book? There’s a reason why. I've learned that simple systems implemented repeatedly, win. Forget complicated tagging schemes that would make a librarian cry.
Here's what actually works, categorizing your contacts into Spheres:
Sphere A: Your Inner Circle
- People who genuinely excite you when they pop up on your calendar
- The ones who'd lend you $20 without hesitation (and vice versa)
- Your career confidants and trusted collaborators
Sphere B: Your Active Network
- Regular collaborators and colleagues
- Past clients you'd love to work with again
- People you want to keep warm for future opportunities
Sphere C: Everyone Else
- The "nice to knows"
- Potential future connections
- That guy who keeps trying to sell you crypto
All in all, relationship management doesn’t need to be complicated and overwhelming. Categorizing your contacts into Spheres creates a simple, actionable system that makes it easier for you to prioritize your time and energy to where it matters most.
Sticking to a straightforward approach also helps you build a network that’s not only organized but meaningful and sustainable. The key is to keep it consistent, not complex and the relationships that matter most will naturally thrive.
Tools That Actually Help (Not Just More Digital Clutter)
Staying in touch with your network doesn’t need to feel overwhelming or like another task on an already overflowing to-do list. In fact, the right tools can make it easier—and even enjoyable. But here’s the thing: not every tool out there is worth your time.
You don’t need more digital clutter or another complicated system to figure out. You need tools that simplify your process and support the habits that help you nurture meaningful relationships.
Try out these methods and start getting organized.
The 60/30/10 Rule of Relationship Management
Spend 80% of your relationship-building energy on your A's, 20% on your B's, and keep your C's updated via your regular content and updates.
Building relationships takes time and effort, but the investment pays off well if you are willing to go the distance. When it comes to building and maintaining relationships, efficiency is key. That’s where the 60/30/10 rule comes in. It’s a game-changing system for how you prioritize your energy and time when it comes to building lasting connection
Applied to nurturing your relationships, it means dedicating:
- 60% of your efforts to learning about the things that matter most to your connections
- 30% of your efforts to meaningful outreach to those who matter most to you.
- 10% of your efforts on following-up with them (like actually replying to them when they reach out.)
I get it, it may feel awkward to reach out to someone right out of the blue, but there are simple yet meaningful ways to reconnect with your network. People love hearing from people and I promise you, it’s very unlikely that you’ll be ripped to shreds by a sabre-tooth tiger for reaching out.
Tools That Actually Help (Not Just More Digital Clutter)
Staying in touch with your network doesn’t need to feel overwhelming or like another task on an already overflowing to-do list. In fact, the right tools can make it easier—and even enjoyable. But here’s the thing: not every tool out there is worth your time.
You don’t need more digital clutter or another complicated system to figure out. You need tools that simplify your process and support the habits that help you nurture meaningful relationships.
Try out these methods and start getting organized.
- A calendar system for regular check-ins
- A CRM that you'll actually use (yes, I'm biased toward Relatable)
- Templates for common outreach scenarios (but please, personalize them)
You have the reason why your Sphere is important, how to start organizing them, and the tool to keep things in check. What’s missing? Habits.
Habits are the hot sauce to your peanut butter (trust me on this, give it a try) that turns good intentions into consistent actions. It’s not enough to have the right tools in place—you need the daily habits that keep you connected and engaged with your network.
When you commit to small, repeatable actions every day, relationship-building becomes second nature, and over time, those relationships will flourish. Here are the habits that I find work the best:
The Daily Habits That Actually Work
- The Five-Minute Check-in: Open your CRM/database first thing (before email ruins your day)
- Review the A’s and B’s:
- Send 2-3 quick messages:
- The No-Pressure Outreach Lead with NNTR (No Need To Reply) messages like:
- "Hey! Your recent post reminded me of [insight]. Just wanted to share. NNTR!"
- "Saw this article and thought of our conversation about [topic]. Hope it's helpful! NNTR"
- "You came to mind this morning. Hope you're crushing it! NNTR"
- The Content That Actually Connects Share things that make you human:
- Quarterly personal updates (what you're working on/excited about)
- Behind-the-scenes glimpses of your work/life
- Lessons learned from failures (vulnerability builds trust)
- The Calendar Hack Block sacred time for relationship building:
- 30 minutes twice a week for outreach
- Monthly review of your A's
- Quarterly check-ins with B's
The Emergency Kit (For When You've Let Things Slide)
Let’s get real. There will be times when you let things slip through the cracks. That’s okay. The important thing is to get back on track. Sometimes, all you need is an emergency kit that makes it easier to hop on the train and get the momentum going again. Send messages like:
- "Been a while! You came to mind because [specific reason]. Hope you're well!"
- "Realized it's been too long. No excuse except that I'm human. Would love to catch up!"
- Don't apologize excessively - most people are just as bad at staying in touch
Recap:
Your network is a valuable treasure chest of opportunity. Nurturing it by getting and staying in touch with your Sphere is the best way to make sure you unlock its full potential and create meaningful, lasting relationships.
But nothing is going to happen if you don’t take action and start structuring your connections in a cohesive and easy-to-track way. And even with a structure, what will really start getting things moving is creating habits that keep you consistent, intentional, and engaged.
These daily habits are what turn your network from a collection of contacts into a powerhouse of connections that will drive your personal and professional growth.
__________
Measuring Success: Beyond Just "Staying in Touch"
You've reached out to your connections, you've started a strong foundation towards meaningful relationships. Now what?
Key Metrics That Matter
- Response rate to your outreach
- Number of inbound opportunities/referrals
- Quality of conversations (depth vs small talk)
- Your energy level after interactions
- Reciprocal engagement from your network
Red Flags to Watch For
- Constantly feeling like you're "bothering" people
- One-sided relationships dominating your A-list
- Dreading your relationship maintenance time
- Network becoming purely transactional
Green Flags That Show It's Working
- People reaching out proactively
- Natural, easy conversations
- Mutual value exchange
- Referrals flowing both ways
- Finding yourself genuinely excited to connect
The Grocery Store Test Simple but effective: For each person in your sphere, ask yourself - if you saw them at the grocery store, would you: A) Sprint over to say hi B) Wave politely and keep shopping C) Hide in the cereal aisle
Use this to regularly audit your A/B/C classifications.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- The Efficiency Trap
- Automating everything = losing authenticity
- Mass messaging = destroying trust
- Focusing on quantity over quality of interactions
- The Fear Block
- Overthinking every message
- Assuming people don't want to hear from you
- Letting perfect be the enemy of done
- Remember: Most people won't take action. Your fear is your competitive advantage.
- The Guilt Spiral
- Feeling bad about losing touch
- Apologizing excessively for gaps in communication
- Letting shame prevent re-engagement
- The Tools Obsession
- Buying every new networking app
- Overcomplicating your system
- Forgetting tools serve you, not vice versa
Success Formula
- Simple system you'll actually use
- Consistent small actions
- Genuine care for your connections
- Permission to be human and imperfect
Quick-Start Action Plan
Now we’ve gone through all the basics of staying in touch with your network, but none of that matters if you don’t put theory into practice. So, what I want you to do is start strategizing your goals. Here’s how to get started:
Today:
- Pick your top 10 most important relationships
- Block 30 minutes twice a week for outreach
- Send three "no need to reply" messages
This Week:
- Create your ABC lists
- Set up a basic CRM (spreadsheet works to start)
- Schedule one coffee/virtual catch-up
This Month:
- Send a personal update to your A-list
- Audit your calendar for relationship-building time
- Test different outreach methods to find what feels natural
Remember the "Who Not How":
- Consider an accountability partner
- Join a community focused on relationship building
- Get help managing your outreach system
Start Point: Right now, send this text to someone you've been meaning to reach out to: "Hey! You came to mind today because [specific reason]. Hope you're doing well! NNTR"
Final Thought: Your sphere isn't about perfection – it's about progress. The best relationship-building system is the one you'll actually maintain. Start small, stay consistent, and remember: everyone else is just as awkward at this as you are.
